Lose Your Love

There is always so much pressure.
Life is incredibly complicated.
When you throw love into the mix of things life just becomes even more complicated.

Love is so visceral. It conflicts with my personality so much.

I love this girl, but I want her to be happy and want only the best for her. I want to have an amazing relationship with her. If that means she needs time to experience different things in life beside me... If that means she needs time away from the pressure I create for her... If it means we don't have a hetero-normative relationship. Just none of that matters, I'll wait. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. So visceral, so conflicting.

I moved into my apartment in Knoxville. I was able to make it a home relatively easily. It's actually pretty cozy in my room even though its been less than two days. I have just the right amount of storage space and room for everything. I just need a bookshelf. I was able to set up the mirrors and lanterns I bought from IKEA. They look great. The mirrors are shaped like benzene rings and remind me of Lumpy Space Princess, so naturally I drew her face frowning on them, with a little "What the lump!" bubble, because that's how I'm feeling.

Christmas was excellent. I got a bunch of gift cards and a watch box. I bought Aneliese pearls. She looks beautiful in them. We ended up getting my mom an iPad 2, which is so exciting. I think she really likes it. We had fun with it at Granny's for a while the night before we left. I had a pretty excellent week with Aneliese afterward leading right up to the new year, literally.

New Years day, starting shortly after midnight, things crumbled. They pretty much have gotten progressively worse. My phrase of choice of the last 3 days has been: "Everything is terrible".

I don't really feel like explaining, but the beginning paragraph will do for now. I need to focus on what's right in front of me otherwise I'm going to implode. I need to work out regularly and just focus on school and work if I decide to do that this semester.

I wish I could put my life in fast forward. I want the part where she says yes.