Focus

It was very grey and wet out Thursday. When I walked outside it was sort of misting but I figured it wouldn't get too bad so I didn't go back to grab my umbrella.

Thursday was a weird sort of day. Very... I don't know another word, weird. I woke up and got ready and attended my first class, it was good. We talked about stuff I mostly knew but it was a good refresher. After class I did a little bit of Photoshop work for this business meeting tomorrow but I'm not sure it's going to be useful. I ate lunch, left over spaghetti. Then the internet just started failing me in the new building, there are so many connectivity problems there. They need to get that together pretty badly, even my teachers have issues in class which isn't acceptable. Since the internet was down and I didn't have my books with me I couldn't do any work and I still had 50 minutes till my next class, so I walked across campus and practiced piano for an hour. Ended up skipping my class and playing a while longer, then trekking to the TREC to work-out. I waited around there and read for about half an hour before Marlon got there. We had a really good work out. Marlon had a meeting so he stayed on campus and as I was walking home alone it started raining. I was so tired I could have vomited, but of course I didn't.

I remembered this time my freshman year when it had rained, and I had just bought an umbrella. I was standing on a corner waiting for the crosswalk light and there was this girl standing there just getting soaked. So I walked up to her and put my umbrella over the both of us and I remember how grateful she was. We were walking in the same direction but my building was closer so, I just gave her my umbrella to use. It's a happy memory even though I had to walk back in the rain.

I don't really know why Thursday was a weird day. I think it might be because I'm a little sad. I don't like being sad.

Friday was a good day. I had a life experience I can't safely share on blogger, but it was very fun.

I miss Aneliese. It's Sunday night and as is usual during school I am spending it doing an obscene amount of homework at the last minute. It's going to be a long night.

Sadness is so pecking. I really have a lot to do so I should go.

I'm seriously enjoying Adele and Childish Gambino right now.

Lose Your Love

There is always so much pressure.
Life is incredibly complicated.
When you throw love into the mix of things life just becomes even more complicated.

Love is so visceral. It conflicts with my personality so much.

I love this girl, but I want her to be happy and want only the best for her. I want to have an amazing relationship with her. If that means she needs time to experience different things in life beside me... If that means she needs time away from the pressure I create for her... If it means we don't have a hetero-normative relationship. Just none of that matters, I'll wait. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. So visceral, so conflicting.

I moved into my apartment in Knoxville. I was able to make it a home relatively easily. It's actually pretty cozy in my room even though its been less than two days. I have just the right amount of storage space and room for everything. I just need a bookshelf. I was able to set up the mirrors and lanterns I bought from IKEA. They look great. The mirrors are shaped like benzene rings and remind me of Lumpy Space Princess, so naturally I drew her face frowning on them, with a little "What the lump!" bubble, because that's how I'm feeling.

Christmas was excellent. I got a bunch of gift cards and a watch box. I bought Aneliese pearls. She looks beautiful in them. We ended up getting my mom an iPad 2, which is so exciting. I think she really likes it. We had fun with it at Granny's for a while the night before we left. I had a pretty excellent week with Aneliese afterward leading right up to the new year, literally.

New Years day, starting shortly after midnight, things crumbled. They pretty much have gotten progressively worse. My phrase of choice of the last 3 days has been: "Everything is terrible".

I don't really feel like explaining, but the beginning paragraph will do for now. I need to focus on what's right in front of me otherwise I'm going to implode. I need to work out regularly and just focus on school and work if I decide to do that this semester.

I wish I could put my life in fast forward. I want the part where she says yes.