Firstly, I absolutely refuse to be unhappy anymore. I am done with not being productive in my free time. I am done not accomplishing the things I want. I am done trying to see too far ahead of myself. I am resolving myself to actually live the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is officially my mantra. I will be optimistic, and will not let anxiety or depression take over my life. I will be happy.
Secondly, I will set goals and accomplish them. So here is a short list of things I want to accomplish, not necessarily in this order, and of course some can be done simultaneously but I digress:
- Be a better programmer.
Be healthier.
Learn Piano.
Learn Japanese, Thai, and Spanish fluently.
Take time to read, write, and draw more.
Thirdly, I will put myself first and be strong for myself. That one is honestly probably one of the hardest because my nature is to put others first. Especially people I love. But I will be working hard at this.
It is Thanksgiving, and I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for so I need to write about that for a minute. Actually, let me tell you about something that I do sometimes when I'm feeling down. It will probably be the title of my book should I ever write one. I think "I have a car". I'll be driving down the road and I will look out my side view mirror and I will see the side of my car. When I see it I will think about how good my life really is. I drive a 2007 Ford Escape. It's actually pretty nice. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I'm smart. I'm in school. I have a great job. Now, all of those things while not perfect are still in my life. I have them. When I think about this I feel so much better. My life is so good and could be so much worse. My anxiety and stress goes out the window, and it is so nice to think about and be thankful for all of the wonderful things I have. Just writing this I am happy.
That's pretty much it. I resolve to lead a happier life and be a stronger person. I hope to keep this updated with my progress of my goals, and just with my life.
I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.
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