Flights in the morning. Well, not really. I'm leaving tomorrow to go home from Richmond with Aneliese, though. I have a ton of nervous excitement built up. It should be incredibly fun, I can't wait for my friends to meet her and for (the portion of my family available) to see her again.
I didn't get the co-op position with Cadre5 that I was hoping for. Apparently they don't have enough work to justify a co-op in the Spring. At least, that's what I took from it. That's ok because I found out I can graduate in December, I'm a lot closer than I thought I was. Finances are a little complicated, but, when are they not? I hope to reach stability in the next two years. That's my plan at least.
I am doing a little drawing and UX work for an iPhone app a friend built. I'm hoping to have something put together by the end of the weekend, but I know the next 5 days are going to be grossly busy with friends and family and things.
I still don't know what I'm going to get my mother for christmas and have a feeling I'm going to have to settle for something smaller than I was thinking, which is ok, just, a little annoying. But I do think I know what I'm getting everyone else in my family so that is good. Just one last thing to figure out.
I have been doing a good job of managing my stress. I am unfortunately one of those people that has a hard time of hiding it though. I'm just trying to be more open about when I'm a little down and out and hoping that my openness will help me and hopefully not be too detrimental to those around me. It's not like it's all the time, but it happens.
I realize this post is incredibly disjointed but I am just having a lot of random thoughts and there is no organization in my head right now.
I think after I graduate I'll probably apply for jobs with Georgia-Pacific. I am considering asking them if I can come back in the summer but that means I won't graduate till the Spring. It would be nice to be closer to Aneliese this summer, though, also I don't mind working with the people I work with there. Although, the drive to work is pretty annoying. (haha first world problems). I just don't want to get caught up and stuck working for a company when that is not where I want to be forever. I don't want to be thirty and... so scared of getting older I'm only good at being young, so I play the numbers game to say "my life has just begun".
No point in dwelling on it just yet. No point in dwelling on anything.
I should be happy. It's a wonderful life.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
It's Been One Week
Nothing to see here, move along.
That's what I feel like writing right now because I'm not really in the mood to write. But if I don't keep at it I won't write at all, and I know that.
My plans for Christmas keep getting kind of skewed by other peoples schedules which is sort of annoying, but hey it's all good. I'm gonna stick around Lynchburg for two more weeks and try to make some money. I have started working on an iPhone app so that gives me something to do in my spare time here; however, it's a little bit daunting because I've never done one before (at least not really). I have to learn Xcode and Objective-C and so I'm tackling this whole process right now. Hopefully I can have a basic app up and running before long, but I digress. I'm probably going to make a trip to Knoxville to drop some stuff off next weekend and then come back up and pick up the rest of my stuff and spend some time in Richmond with Aneliese before taking her home with me for Christmas. I'm pretty excited, I'm not gonna lie. I am... nervous, though. I can't explain why.
I watched Chasing Amy for the first time a couple of nights ago and I have to say, I liked it a lot. As Devon said, [paraphrasing here] "part of the reason Kevin Smith movies are so good is because the dialogue is real talk, like conversations you would have with your best friend." and it's true. I hate to say that I related in any way to Ben Affleck, but I did relate to one of the things he was experiencing in the movie very specifically. It is kind of incredible how similar the issue is, and honestly, it caught me off guard and upset me a little bit. It's okay though, it's sort of nice to have an issue presented so readily to you and then you have to face it.
I've done a terrible job of facing it. haha.
I also watched Jet Li's Fearless. I have a weak spot for foreign martial arts movies. I liked it, but I have a hard time taking Jet Li too seriously even though it was a serious movie. Too much Cradle 2 the Grave, haha. One thing I thought was funny was that one of the main messages of the movie was that "revenge is never the answer because it just leads to more bloodshed." Hello, Naruto. :)
I'm reading two books at once, which would be a little confusing, however, I left one in Richmond and haven't read it in a couple of weeks so I'm not having too much trouble. 1Q84 just makes me remember how much I love Murakami. His style is just so good, he's literally a genius. The other book is The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman. Chuck is one of my all time favorites and this is only his second novel, but I already am really enjoying it, just like the first (as expected).
That's really all I've got right now. Oh, I have an interview with a software company called Cadre5 in Knoxville on Thursday night. I'm nervous but confident. Hopefully I get the co-op. <3
Things to add to my reading list:
Kafka on the Shore (Murakami)
Norwegian Wood (Murakami)
and Code Complete (I just ordered this!)
That's what I feel like writing right now because I'm not really in the mood to write. But if I don't keep at it I won't write at all, and I know that.
My plans for Christmas keep getting kind of skewed by other peoples schedules which is sort of annoying, but hey it's all good. I'm gonna stick around Lynchburg for two more weeks and try to make some money. I have started working on an iPhone app so that gives me something to do in my spare time here; however, it's a little bit daunting because I've never done one before (at least not really). I have to learn Xcode and Objective-C and so I'm tackling this whole process right now. Hopefully I can have a basic app up and running before long, but I digress. I'm probably going to make a trip to Knoxville to drop some stuff off next weekend and then come back up and pick up the rest of my stuff and spend some time in Richmond with Aneliese before taking her home with me for Christmas. I'm pretty excited, I'm not gonna lie. I am... nervous, though. I can't explain why.
I watched Chasing Amy for the first time a couple of nights ago and I have to say, I liked it a lot. As Devon said, [paraphrasing here] "part of the reason Kevin Smith movies are so good is because the dialogue is real talk, like conversations you would have with your best friend." and it's true. I hate to say that I related in any way to Ben Affleck, but I did relate to one of the things he was experiencing in the movie very specifically. It is kind of incredible how similar the issue is, and honestly, it caught me off guard and upset me a little bit. It's okay though, it's sort of nice to have an issue presented so readily to you and then you have to face it.
I've done a terrible job of facing it. haha.
I also watched Jet Li's Fearless. I have a weak spot for foreign martial arts movies. I liked it, but I have a hard time taking Jet Li too seriously even though it was a serious movie. Too much Cradle 2 the Grave, haha. One thing I thought was funny was that one of the main messages of the movie was that "revenge is never the answer because it just leads to more bloodshed." Hello, Naruto. :)
I'm reading two books at once, which would be a little confusing, however, I left one in Richmond and haven't read it in a couple of weeks so I'm not having too much trouble. 1Q84 just makes me remember how much I love Murakami. His style is just so good, he's literally a genius. The other book is The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman. Chuck is one of my all time favorites and this is only his second novel, but I already am really enjoying it, just like the first (as expected).
That's really all I've got right now. Oh, I have an interview with a software company called Cadre5 in Knoxville on Thursday night. I'm nervous but confident. Hopefully I get the co-op. <3
Things to add to my reading list:
Kafka on the Shore (Murakami)
Norwegian Wood (Murakami)
and Code Complete (I just ordered this!)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Pascal Campion
I found an artist and his name is Pascal Campion and quite frankly, he's a genius. He manages to capture these beautiful moments in life in a style that is utterly... me. I am in love with the drawings. Especially the ones involving his family. It embodies so many things that I want, and it helps that the drawings of his wife make me think of Aneliese. All of his drawings even though they look simple are so wonderfully complex, especially in color and lighting. I want him to teach me how to do it. I absolutely love it. You can find his work at his blog and his website.
It's literally just so good.
It's literally just so good.
It's the way you love me
Hello stranger, thought I wouldn't be back huh?
Sunday I drove all day and it was pretty excruciating; however, I had an excellent talk with Courtney, everyone is therapy now because I am basically practicing self therapy by talking to others about how I feel. It works.
The night was relatively uneventful. I went to Michael's and bought a new sketchbook and pencils, and then made an attempt at drawing the Best Buy while sitting in my car. It was pretty relaxing but the picture was terrible. That's ok. I'm glad I'm drawing again, it makes me happy. I really like design. I want to design things. Houses, buildings, electronics. I really like design.
I want to make things.
Monday was sort of uneventful, I thought I was going to get to see Aneliese for a little while but it ended up not working out, such is life. We talked on skype for something like 5 hours, and on the phone for maybe a half hour or so before that. It was an incredible conversation because she opened up to me. I love her.
Today was uneventful. I was productive at work, but not too productive. I think I want to design a tablet. I feel like there is still a lot of room in that space for a product that will make people happy and not cost as much as an iPad.
I want to create an Apple. It's nonsense for there to be only one company like Apple.
OK. That's enough arrogance seeping out for one night. I am going to continue to draw and think. :)
By the way, I got new shoes, I saw the Clarks in person and I didn't really like them but then found these:
yay :)
Sunday I drove all day and it was pretty excruciating; however, I had an excellent talk with Courtney, everyone is therapy now because I am basically practicing self therapy by talking to others about how I feel. It works.
The night was relatively uneventful. I went to Michael's and bought a new sketchbook and pencils, and then made an attempt at drawing the Best Buy while sitting in my car. It was pretty relaxing but the picture was terrible. That's ok. I'm glad I'm drawing again, it makes me happy. I really like design. I want to design things. Houses, buildings, electronics. I really like design.
I want to make things.
Monday was sort of uneventful, I thought I was going to get to see Aneliese for a little while but it ended up not working out, such is life. We talked on skype for something like 5 hours, and on the phone for maybe a half hour or so before that. It was an incredible conversation because she opened up to me. I love her.
Today was uneventful. I was productive at work, but not too productive. I think I want to design a tablet. I feel like there is still a lot of room in that space for a product that will make people happy and not cost as much as an iPad.
I want to create an Apple. It's nonsense for there to be only one company like Apple.
OK. That's enough arrogance seeping out for one night. I am going to continue to draw and think. :)
By the way, I got new shoes, I saw the Clarks in person and I didn't really like them but then found these:
yay :)
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A Good Day
Black Friday! haha :)
Today was actually an incredibly good day. This morning I had breakfast with my mom and step-dad, showered, and watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. After hanging around a while I finally woke up Thomas, my little brother, and we went shopping. Which really means we went people watching and discussed men's fashion, we both have an incredible affinity for these two things. I did, however, find some pants, which is awesome. I also got my haircut and bought some new shirts and a pair of shoes. My mom spoils me :>.
After that trek around, which took like 8 hours, I packed up some stuff and hit the road and I drove down to Nashville to have dinner and hangout with Devon, my best friend. We went to The Tavern which is this incredibly chic restaurant that servers beer brewed in Nashville, I had Yazoo Pale Ale, which was actually really good, even though I'm pretty picky about new beers. I had some pretty amazing fish tacos, which is actually one of my favorite dishes to try at random restaurants, so I was happy they were there.
This is Devon in The Tavern.
We had a really good chat about how people need to escape Clarksville. The place is just a life suck. There is next to nothing there, no one is forward thinking and there is no innovation. It's really kind of sad. People just live and die there, I feel like the world could exist without the place entirely. Places like that shouldn't exist. I want everywhere to add value to the world. I am probably being a little too critical. Well, probably not.
After we had dinner we went to Cafe Coco and had beer/coffee/Lemon Berry cake. Lemon berry cake is glorious, haha.
Devon in Cafe Coco taking a picture of his food to put on Tumblr with Instagram, haha, caughtcha!
We talked about boys... and girls. And relationships. It was good, I miss being around my best friend constantly. I'm so happy.
Today was actually an incredibly good day. This morning I had breakfast with my mom and step-dad, showered, and watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. After hanging around a while I finally woke up Thomas, my little brother, and we went shopping. Which really means we went people watching and discussed men's fashion, we both have an incredible affinity for these two things. I did, however, find some pants, which is awesome. I also got my haircut and bought some new shirts and a pair of shoes. My mom spoils me :>.
After that trek around, which took like 8 hours, I packed up some stuff and hit the road and I drove down to Nashville to have dinner and hangout with Devon, my best friend. We went to The Tavern which is this incredibly chic restaurant that servers beer brewed in Nashville, I had Yazoo Pale Ale, which was actually really good, even though I'm pretty picky about new beers. I had some pretty amazing fish tacos, which is actually one of my favorite dishes to try at random restaurants, so I was happy they were there.
This is Devon in The Tavern.
We had a really good chat about how people need to escape Clarksville. The place is just a life suck. There is next to nothing there, no one is forward thinking and there is no innovation. It's really kind of sad. People just live and die there, I feel like the world could exist without the place entirely. Places like that shouldn't exist. I want everywhere to add value to the world. I am probably being a little too critical. Well, probably not.
After we had dinner we went to Cafe Coco and had beer/coffee/Lemon Berry cake. Lemon berry cake is glorious, haha.
Devon in Cafe Coco taking a picture of his food to put on Tumblr with Instagram, haha, caughtcha!
We talked about boys... and girls. And relationships. It was good, I miss being around my best friend constantly. I'm so happy.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Clothes
After a relatively successful Thanksgiving, getting to see friends and doing lots of writing I feel pretty happy. I think I'm going to go buy pants today because I have several pairs of shorts to wear during spring/summer but I only own a couple of pairs of jeans and am in dire need of some brown or color in my life. I really want to go through my clothes and minimize what I have to just a few things. But I want to be happy with what I have, and I think that I might need to add these shoes to my wardrobe before I will be truly happy. hahahahahahha :)
Clarks Originals Men's Desert Boot
Creative Recreation Men's Liggio
Clarks Originals Men's Desert Boot
Creative Recreation Men's Liggio
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Free Hand Art
A picture I did free hand of Aneliese, my girlfriend. I find drawing is a good stress relief. I've been wanting to post this one.
Thanksgiving and Resolutions
I have removed all the posts from my "old blog" and have changed the subtitle of my blog from "Living life anxiously" to "Living life happily". There is so much I want out of life and starting this Thanksgiving I have some resolutions, granted I'm about 35 days early.
Firstly, I absolutely refuse to be unhappy anymore. I am done with not being productive in my free time. I am done not accomplishing the things I want. I am done trying to see too far ahead of myself. I am resolving myself to actually live the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is officially my mantra. I will be optimistic, and will not let anxiety or depression take over my life. I will be happy.
Secondly, I will set goals and accomplish them. So here is a short list of things I want to accomplish, not necessarily in this order, and of course some can be done simultaneously but I digress:
Thirdly, I will put myself first and be strong for myself. That one is honestly probably one of the hardest because my nature is to put others first. Especially people I love. But I will be working hard at this.
It is Thanksgiving, and I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for so I need to write about that for a minute. Actually, let me tell you about something that I do sometimes when I'm feeling down. It will probably be the title of my book should I ever write one. I think "I have a car". I'll be driving down the road and I will look out my side view mirror and I will see the side of my car. When I see it I will think about how good my life really is. I drive a 2007 Ford Escape. It's actually pretty nice. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I'm smart. I'm in school. I have a great job. Now, all of those things while not perfect are still in my life. I have them. When I think about this I feel so much better. My life is so good and could be so much worse. My anxiety and stress goes out the window, and it is so nice to think about and be thankful for all of the wonderful things I have. Just writing this I am happy.
That's pretty much it. I resolve to lead a happier life and be a stronger person. I hope to keep this updated with my progress of my goals, and just with my life.
I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.
Firstly, I absolutely refuse to be unhappy anymore. I am done with not being productive in my free time. I am done not accomplishing the things I want. I am done trying to see too far ahead of myself. I am resolving myself to actually live the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is officially my mantra. I will be optimistic, and will not let anxiety or depression take over my life. I will be happy.
Secondly, I will set goals and accomplish them. So here is a short list of things I want to accomplish, not necessarily in this order, and of course some can be done simultaneously but I digress:
- Be a better programmer.
Be healthier.
Learn Piano.
Learn Japanese, Thai, and Spanish fluently.
Take time to read, write, and draw more.
Thirdly, I will put myself first and be strong for myself. That one is honestly probably one of the hardest because my nature is to put others first. Especially people I love. But I will be working hard at this.
It is Thanksgiving, and I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for so I need to write about that for a minute. Actually, let me tell you about something that I do sometimes when I'm feeling down. It will probably be the title of my book should I ever write one. I think "I have a car". I'll be driving down the road and I will look out my side view mirror and I will see the side of my car. When I see it I will think about how good my life really is. I drive a 2007 Ford Escape. It's actually pretty nice. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I'm smart. I'm in school. I have a great job. Now, all of those things while not perfect are still in my life. I have them. When I think about this I feel so much better. My life is so good and could be so much worse. My anxiety and stress goes out the window, and it is so nice to think about and be thankful for all of the wonderful things I have. Just writing this I am happy.
That's pretty much it. I resolve to lead a happier life and be a stronger person. I hope to keep this updated with my progress of my goals, and just with my life.
I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd.
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