--June 14th 2012
This post is going to be long. I will probably update it several times instead of writing new posts for a while.
Hello. I haven't written since midway through March and now we're midway through June. It's pretty incredible what can happen in 3 months. I suppose not a lot has happened really. My semester wrapped up terribly at school. I didn't finish a single personal project, although I did do a lot of work on several of them, story of my life, right? I haven't gotten any better at piano, in fact at this point I'm probably worse than I was, although I did make an A in my piano class. I can speak Spanish a little better than I was able to before, I'm more confident in my ability, at the very least. I have lost a pretty good amount of weight since the beginning of the year and I work out pretty regularly, so I guess at least some of my resolutions have been okay. I have been stronger for myself and I'm very aware of that, so that is one very positive thing, even though I thought it would be very hard.
I am a struggle. There are so many different factors in life that I calculate into what I'm doing and where I want to be going et cetera.
I am in London and have been for nine days and it has been pretty incredible. I have learned a lot about Computer Science, History, different cultures and especially myself.
I know exactly what I want out of life. I do. And that's weird. I didn't realize it but it is incredibly weird for someone my age to know exactly what they want out of life. I mean life. I'm scared that what you read was "I know where I want to work" or something else specific. What I said was I know exactly what I want out of life.
Dreams are terrifying. I have a vision of exactly how I want my life to be and I'm realizing that since I know the destination there are an unenumerable number of ways to get there. The path I take is never incorrect if it will eventually lead to what I desire, right? I think so, but I'm young and reckless, right? I think so again.
I'll write more later, I'm going to Harrods to look at all the expensive things I can't afford, yet.
--June 17th 2012
Harrods was good, the Food Halls was pretty awesome, it's crazy how big that store is. I didn't even spend a lot of time looking just grabbed lunch and got out of there before I wanted to spend money I shouldn't. Hate money, it's such an annoying constraint for me. I want to just make a lot of money at once so I don't have to worry about it anymore. Just have that security. I'm sad I need security from a medium of exchange. It's really annoying.
Anyway, I'm in Cambridge now, I came last Friday, the 15th, and have been at a conference the last couple of days to celebrate the centenary of Alan Turing. It has been interesting. All of these historians and biologists and computer scientists have definitely got my mind working, which is great, I love thinking about my field of study. Combining it with business ideas is my favorite thing to do in the world and they have definitely given me plenty of room for that.
--June 18th 2012
Cambridge itself is a really pretty place; very small and walkable and I like that. I think we will go punting soon and that should be fun. My next conference starts tomorrow and I think that will be a pretty fun too, because it will be a much larger conference and I'm looking forward to attending some of the paper presentations by the PhD students. There are some really interesting topics, even though most of them are probably going to be over my head.
I turned 23 today. As per usual, I don't feel any different than when I woke up this morning. Another year has passed and it has been almost like every other year. Technically it's been much more exciting than any other year, really. I don't know if exciting is the right word, maybe.. excruciating. haha.
I sort of want to cry just thinking about everything. I have been trying incredibly hard the last few weeks and I've been doing well. But it's a fragile state, my mind is in. I don't like that feeling. I mean I have sort of out run my problems in a sense. I deal with my day to day things and I just don't think about anything out side of my control. When it comes up, really welling up sometimes, I battle it down. I feel better day to day because of this. I can't control some things, I can't spend my time chasing some things and I just have to live day to day happily. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes wisdom takes a while to sink in. Sometimes courage needs to be built on a stable base. And sometimes serenity can be fragile. I am working on it. I have a "million dollar" idea in my back pocket and I'm going to pursue it full tilt when I get back to the states, because it's a completely manageable and good idea and if I can execute I know it will be incredibly successful.
I just want to be happy. Which I am on a day to day basis, right now, it's such, it's such a perfect day, I remember we were walking up to strawberry swing. Then I get caught up in a whirlwind of worries and the battle starts to swallow whatever I'm thinking about and distract myself. It's easier than I thought, but I feel myself pushing away from things and that isn't what I want. It makes me sad. But maybe it's what needs to happen with a lot of my worries. I can't let things destroy me. I have admittedly been a huge mixture of happy and sad here. Sad because I miss home, happy because this place is awesome and it's an excellent get away from my problems. It is admittedly hard to worry about them when they're 3500 miles away. I have to go back eventually though. Blue skies are coming, but I know that it's hard.
